Daily Pill
Where did all of the real people go?
I have to look long and hard to find happiness these days. Everything around me seems so much like a giant play. Everything a prop and every event just a series of lines in an endless drama. Nothing is solid and real and nothing people say or do is out of character, so I feel I never really meet them and they never bother to really meet me.
It seems to me that the whole world has been taken over by some new form of life. Something hollow and soulless. Something determined only to exist and nothing more. Like a car race with the only goal being first to cross the finish line in the exact same spot as the race started. Just a series of repeated scenes and nothing more. Just millions of actors repeating the same play day after day - trying to refine their role until even they believe their character exists and is important to the sucess of the big production.
The older actors pronounce that it's too late for them to change - there's no point with what little time they have left on the stage. The young ones declare that they will be the next greatest actor and seem to look up to those currently on stage. Those in the middle are too busy working behind the scenes to make sure that the play continues without interruption to notice that the play is pointless...
I am tired of this play. I am sick of not knowing anyone for who they really are. I have spent 1/2 my life learning how to be an actor the other 1/2 drinking heavily in order to be able to pretend to enjoy being an actor. I am tired of the roles that I have been forced to play so far. I want to be myself and quit this play so I can live a real life...
It seems to me that the whole world has been taken over by some new form of life. Something hollow and soulless. Something determined only to exist and nothing more. Like a car race with the only goal being first to cross the finish line in the exact same spot as the race started. Just a series of repeated scenes and nothing more. Just millions of actors repeating the same play day after day - trying to refine their role until even they believe their character exists and is important to the sucess of the big production.
The older actors pronounce that it's too late for them to change - there's no point with what little time they have left on the stage. The young ones declare that they will be the next greatest actor and seem to look up to those currently on stage. Those in the middle are too busy working behind the scenes to make sure that the play continues without interruption to notice that the play is pointless...
I am tired of this play. I am sick of not knowing anyone for who they really are. I have spent 1/2 my life learning how to be an actor the other 1/2 drinking heavily in order to be able to pretend to enjoy being an actor. I am tired of the roles that I have been forced to play so far. I want to be myself and quit this play so I can live a real life...
posted by VirP at
8:43 AM
3 Comments:
Gary - I don't know why you chose Texas, but I've heard that things become clearer in the desert where there is less visual input to distract the mind. I do know that you have a brilliant mind - all that it lacks is structure. Like formatting a computer hard drive or disk - your brilliance rattles around in your head because it has no structure to hang onto. You've made the first moves to get off the merry-go-round and now need to find a purpose for your life. I also know that you are a loving husband and father so you do have that rock to stand on. You already know that change is difficult however necessary it is, so I won't mention it :) but I do know it's possible. Go with it. All of us that know you are on your side. We know you can.
Texas? Really?
Evalyn
Yes, really, Texas? I'm sure you have good reasons, you aren't stupid.
How worse can being yourself be than pretending to be someone. Being yourself can't be false so you'll be ahead right there. And you probably think people won't like the real you. Hey, who said we like the fake you? :-)
Fear of the unknown is the greatest fear, but usually once we step into that fear, when we turn the light on we see the monsters are gone, and that they were never really there. We created the fake us, we can destroy the fake us.
Besides we all have too many things to do to waste time and energy juggling masks.
I think you may find that those close to you know who you really are. You haven't been fooling them like you think. And they still love you. So turn on the light. Time's a wastin.
Since my posts are time stamped ...then this will be understandable. [I hope]
Now I understand why your posts [while articulate] left me wondering what the heck were you thinking? From the bus until now....Now I get it.
I hope for your girls the second 1/2 of your life [the drinking] has come to an end...and buddy, believe me, that isn't a judgement....it is just they are so wonderful...it is worth it to clear your head.
And you can always reach out. People are there to help. [Yes, yes...I realize I am posting in an archive...lolz]
Skippy
skippyaveo@hotmail.com - if you need anything
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